The title of the diagram is Urban Impact on the Water Cycle, so it would may be be an idea to highlight which parts are the ones that are specific to the Urban Impact. This would help to bring your point about the importance of tree pits across.
Cathy, really good work here sussing out what the questions and pieces of information are to which an audience might want answers.
My notes on clarity:
+ Good insight to decide to talk about stormwater runoff as a factor related to tree pits.
+ Get your headlines to make a statement. What *is* the urban impact on the water cycle? The answer to that question would make a good headline. Right now you’re leaving it up to me to guess what to conclude from your graphics. It’s too much work, and I might not conclude the same thing that you would.
+ Where does the storm sewer outfall go? Doesn’t it go into our waterways, as per your sketches? Make sure to label this.
+ I can’t quite grasp what the takeaway of the water cycle diagram is. Is it that this is a closed loop system (as it is pictured)? The diagram doesn’t seem to suggest there are any externalities to stormwater runoff. If what you’re trying to do here is advocate for stormwater management, the costs of stormwater runoff need to be clearer. The lost opportunity, to me, seems to be in simply linking from outflow back into water vapor and precipitation–something there needs to spin off and do something harmful, or else the impact of having runoff turn into precipitation needs to be made clearer as a negative thing.
+ Good use of your color palette and icon here.
+ Too much wasted space here. Size up the entire composition to occupy more of the slide.
+ I think you need to better visualize the waterways/wherever the outflow empties into. Since these are the places with most impact, they need to be very clear. Right now they’re just visualized generically as water, but maybe something more elaborate is necessary–buildings to provide context, a river snaking out of a landscape? Something that will connect back to your audience’s lived, day-to-day experience.
+ Your arrows draw a bit too much attention. Try scaling down the arrowheads. It looks like you’ve built them out of line segments and triangles–try instead using the Stroke panel to add arrowheads to line segments–then you can also scale these arrowheads. Another good outcome of this approach is that the arrowheads will be attached to the line segments, which will help these elements to be less distracting, too.
+ You’re using a different line weight here than on other slides. Reflect on that a little–would it be better to use a thinner line weight here? Or to fill in your shapes? I think maybe your choice to leave these all as outlines is about letting the water icon stand out, but the thick cartoony lines leave the page feeling a little unsubstantial, visually.
Cathy, great use of color and drawing in this assignment! I think this is a superb use of your icon too, you’ve made an icon that can really be used within the project to keep my mind referring back to the source: water. I’m curious why you chose to have your circle chart flowing counter clockwise? I immediately started reading right to left but then had to stop myself and reposition my direction. I also think that the drawings and placement of arrows could further emphasize the issue of runoff. The tree graphic is a little distracting and since the arrow points directly to the leaves i am first thinking about those, whereas the arrow from the could could be pointing to the treepit where your icon is instead.thanks!
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