Looking at this slide alone i’m not sure what its saying, I think adding a title as well as some street names to the map would give some context as well as focus the graphic. After looking at the other slides i better understand the narrative however I think this slide alone can say a lot more with a few additions. I like the icons used but i think you could go a step further to show unhealthy food like actual fries and a burger are more immediate icons of unhealthy food.
I agree with Anya that this title slide presents some unclear information. You offer a map with data on it, but it’s probably a little too soon–as we don’t know what your story is, we can’t make any sense or use of this data yet. I’d save it and stick with an image that provides general overview of your topic on your title slide.
The restaurant and deli icons are legible and complement the deck’s strong narrative. Placing the icons along the avenues in the map serves to both indicate location and graphically support the story of the two Harlems. The slides are well balanced and there is strong contrast between the colors in the graphics and the black background.
I have a lot of notes on this presentation.
+ Use headlines to tell your audience the point of each slide–headlines are not just labels, and they should not just refer to categories. They should make a point. Make sure that everything on the slide works to support the headline. Anything else either belongs on a different slide, or your headline needs to change.
+ On Slide 2, your text indicates that Harlem saw a 17% increase in rents last year. But that 17% is not indicated on the graph next to this comment. It’s hard to map this caption onto the graph you’ve provided. Seems like the graph should not be displaying absolute rents but change in rent over the last year, and include not just Harlem but several other gentrifying neighborhoods.
+ The pie chart does not appear to represent data that complements the information in the bar graph. If that’s the case, they don’t belong on the same slide. Remember: craft a headline that communicates a single point of your narrative, and keep all content consistent with it.
+ The pie chart is confusing.
–> Your caption speaks of a 30%, but there is no 30% indicated in the pie chart. Maybe that 30% needs to be illustrated otherwise, and the caption should not include numbers that do not refer to the graph.
–> Your label for the graph speaks of gross income, but there are no dollar amounts in the graph. Maybe this should say “Percentage of households suffering rent burden”?
–> It’s not clear whether the percentage of interest here is the 31% or the 69%. My eye goes to red, but it’s the smaller number, and its on the left-hand side, so then I’m not sure that’s where I’m supposed to look.
–> Is 31% a lot? How does it compare with other neighborhoods in New York or the borough as a whole?
+ On Slide 3, you cite an “explosion of restaurants.” Can you prove it? Is there data documenting a rise in the number of restaurants over time in correlation with a rise in property values? And is this correlation clearly causation?
On Slide 3, you make a claim about establishments serving food of “low nutritional value.” Can you prove it? Don’t make an evaluative claim without providing ample criteria and data to support the claim.
+ Make sure to label the streets of interest on your map if you are calling them out in the caption.
+ Typos in your deck. Check Spelling in InDesign using Edit–>Spelling–>Check Spelling.
+ You’re still relying a little too much on prose that you’ve printed on your slides. Stick with clear headlines and captions, and don’t require your audience to read so much narrative text on screen.
+ On Slide 4, you reference “both avenues”–which avenues are you talking about? You mentioned them on Slide 3, but it’s hard to keep them in memory as they’re not a universal focus of your presentation. Keep all relevant information on the slide.
+ On Slide 4, you make a claim about people not being able to afford restaurants. Where is the evidence of this specifically?
+ On Slide 4, you claim that it’s the lack of opportunities for nutritional food that are sending people to food pantries. How have you come to this conclusion? Based on what data?
+ On Slide 4, your pie chart only seems to emphasize that the problem is not so bad–it’s not even half the population that relies on food stamps. There are so many more people who don’t rely on food stamps! Pie chart is not the best graph for this data as you want to keep focus on the affected community, not the majority who are unaffected. A bar graph here, comparing the numbers of affected across geographic scales, might be more effective.
+ Don’t use a legend for these graphs. Label your individual segments and bars.
+ On Slide 4, you have generated several elements but not quite articulated the connections between them. You’re asking your audience to do a lot of work, and I’m not sure it’s worth it.
+ Re: the information about cost of 2000-calorie food, is this specific to this neighborhood?
+ Remember to cite your sources.
Notes on style:
+ It’s hard to read your photos on Slide 3 when they are all pressed up against each other. As I noted last week, you should space your photos out. Right now they have all blended into one continuous image that is very hard to parse.
+ Text on the y-axis of your graphs is too small to be legible. Making some shrewder choices about what content goes on what slide, in support of a headline, will help to reduce the content you are grouping together and will allow you more space to size up your graphics. So will cutting down on prose.
+ It’s awkward to introduce a new color palette on Slide 4. Either stick with your existing colors (my recommendation) or define your palette more broadly from the outset.
Finally, reproduce your sketches larger so I can engage with them and provide some feedback. Right now they’re too small to be legible.
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